She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
handjob tips. give me some.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
