I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
