Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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