So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
