Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
