I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
