Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
