i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
