I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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