yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Houston, we have a blender
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
