my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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