So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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