I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
