gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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