I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize