And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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