My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
