East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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