At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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