I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
