Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
