I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
