I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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