HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
