So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
