Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
