I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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