the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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