Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
