It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
