You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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