u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
PANTIES FOUND
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