By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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