Need sex. Gaining weight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
