you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
