I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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