you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize