Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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