Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
