Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
