So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
