if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
