hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
