We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
