Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
