The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize