The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
