Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
