Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
