Whoa Z and x make the same sound
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
