I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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