please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
