if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
