dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There r osticjed everywhere
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
