I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
