Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
