I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
