New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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