Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
