Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
