I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
