I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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