we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
