obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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