I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
