she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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