sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
