I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
