im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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