I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
