I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
