I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
