CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
