I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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