i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
