Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
