I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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