they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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