just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
