i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
