Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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