He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
