Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
