Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
